Excursus: Christianity and Gender
This is a topic that vexes me greatly. It's all over Christendom that we have a serious problem with gender identity, and everyone seems to think that the solution is to clarify our definitions of masculinity and femininity. Unfortunately, that's proving to be a lot more difficult than it seems on the surface. For people who fit neatly into culturally preconditioned stereotypes, this seems ridiculous. Why can't people just be how they're supposed to be? For people who've always felt out of place and "made wrong" when it comes to gender discussion, all the talk is mostly salt in the wounds. Why can't I be who I am?
In my own, not usually very humble opinion, we've set the battlefield in the wrong place. While I certainly agree that there is such a thing as gender distinction, it seems far too slippery a topic for anyone to grip too tightly. For every example of "obvious" gender differences, exceptions can be found that cast doubt on our assumptions. Personally, I revel in this. How wonderful to have so obvious a fact prove so mysterious! Sounds a lot like the God whose image we bear. Huh.
But the issue remains that there is a lot of confusion over gender that causes a lot of strife, a lot of sin, and a lot of sorrow. How do we address the problem if not by defining parameters? Speaking as one who's spent a fair amount of time in the "not fitting in" crowd, the answer for me has been discipleship. As I've turned away from trying to "be a woman" and turned toward being "conformed to the image of Christ," I've actually grown more comfortable in my own skin and become more "womanly". Odd that trying to be like a man could have that effect. Obviously Christ is no ordinary man; but if patterning myself after His heart could make me a better woman, then I can only conclude that there is something "supra-gender" about being a Christian.
Here's how it broke down, in my experience. I was created by God as female. It is simply what I am. I also live in a fallen, human culture that creates its own ideas of what being a woman should look like. I happen, largely, not to fit firmly into this ideal (failure). I also happen not to want to fit into this ideal, and so I rebel against it (usually sinfully). Add to the mix the fact that some of the cultural ideals match up to biblical ones in some way and thus are actually good (baby thrown out with bathwater in my personal rebellion--sin). Now stir in a healthy dose of "being a girl makes you weak and vulnerable; here's how" (being sinned against--pain and shame). Blend on high for about 20 years, adding pinches of gospel redemption; and you have a pretty good recipe for gender confusion.
For years, I tried to fit myself into the mold of "godly woman" with little success that I could discern. I divided my time between feeling like a phony and feeling like a failure. It was only when I stopped trying to be a woman and started opening my heart more and more to Christ that I actually grew as a woman. Opening my heart to Christ and the work of the Spirit allowed me to confront my fear of failure and over-desire for perfection and begin to kill it. Coming out from under the yoke of this slavery allowed me the freedom to engage with the cultural ideals I found without fear of being found wanting. I had the freedom to accept and be challenged by what was true and right and to challenge what was wrong, adding fruitfulness to the discussion. Allowing Christ to change my heart gave me freedom to face old wounds in a way that brought healing and redemption. He cleansed me of my shame and bound up my broken heart. He gave me the privilege of following Him down the path of sacrificial love, teaching me kindness, compassion, gentleness, and long-suffering. In the midst of this, he also shored up and deepened the gifts He'd already granted and made strong. In short, I became a better woman because I became more truly human. Because I became more Christ-like.
Growth in biblical manhood or womanhood is essentially a process of discipleship, of dying to self and living through faith in Christ. This, I believe, is the missing ingredient in discussions on gender. And while there are certainly high level principles to govern this, there is no "one size fits all" Christianity. God is deeply personal and tailors redemption and sanctification to the individual heart. Should we do any less? Or should we continue to orient our discussions around which fruit people need to staple to their trees to make them look more masculine or feminine? Certainly there are questions of practicality that need to be answered. I just wonder if we're asking the right ones.
Read more of Gretchen's writings on her blog - http://wide-ruled.blogspot.com/
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